ME ADVISE TECHCRUNCH’S ROBIN WAUTERS

ME, GRIMLOCK, GIVE IMPORTANT ADVICE TO ROBIN WAUTERS ON TECHCRUNCH WRITING TECHNIQUE:

ROBIN,

ME, GRIMLOCK, ALWAYS FEEL BAD WHEN NO ONE COMMENT ON YOUR WELL-WRITTEN, RELEVANT POSTS. ME GIVE YOU SOME POINTERS.

1. HEADLINE SHOULD BE “STEVE JOBS SAY GIVEO AM GROUPON OF CAUSE MARKETING!”

2. BODY TEXT NEED 300% MORE CONTROVERSIAL FAUX-OPINIONS STATED AS FACT. ESPECIALLY IF THEM IMPLY ANDROID NOT GREATEST INVENTION SINCE FIRE.

3. BY END OF ARTICLE, GIVEO BE DECLARED MASSIVE DISRUPTION TO AT LEAST ONE INDUSTRY, RESULTING IN REVOLUTIONARY CHANGE AND/OR APOCALYPSE. IF YOU HAVE TO, MAKE UP NEW INDUSTRY.

4. BE MORE LOOSE WITH LANGUAGE. NOTHING DRIVE LONELY, EMOTIONALLY CRIPPLED NERDS INTO COMMENTING FRENZY LIKE THINGS THEM CAN WILDLY MISINTERPRET IN DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SHOW THEM SMARTER THAN YOU.

ME, GRIMLOCK, ASSURE YOU IF THESE 4 SIMPLE TECHNIQUES EMPLOYED IN FUTURE POSTS, YOU PROBABLY BECOME MOST POPULAR TECHCRUNCH WRITER EVER. AOL PROBABLY MAKE STATUE IN YOUR HONOR, FORCE ARRINGTON TO POLISH IT EVERY DAY.

FAKEGRIMLOCK

ME FAKEGRIMLOCK!