ME, GRIMLOCK, NEED YOU, ENGINEER!

ME, GRIMLOCK, WORKING ON … THING.

IT REQUIRE GENIUS BACKEND DEV/ARCHITECT PERSON. NO TIME FOR ME, GRIMLOCK, DO ON OWN.

IF YOU, PUNY HUMAN, THINK YOU CAN THROW RIGHT KIND OF LIGHTNING FROM FINGERTIPS TO APPLY FOR DO, EMAIL AWESOME ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS TO DEV AT SIGN FAKEGRIMLOCK.COM.

 

QUESTION 1:
IF ME, GRIMLOCK, TELL YOU US GOING TO BUILD TWITTER OR FACEBOOK TYPE THING FROM SCRATCH, BUT DO IT RIGHT, HOW YOU DO THAT? GIVE AS MUCH DETAIL AS YOU THINK REQUIRED TO PROVE YOU KNOW WHAT TALKING ABOUT AND NOT JUST SOME IDIOT READ TECH CRUNCH ONCE.

 

QUESTION 2:

GIVE DETAILED ANSWER WHY NODE, SCALA, ERLANG, ROR OR OTHER HOT SEXY NEW THING ON HACKERNEWS BETTER FOR BUILD MASSIVELY SCALEABLE WEB THING THAN LANGUAGE THAT ACTUALLY WORK, LIKE JAVA.

INCLUDE DETAILS ON HOW IT WORK GREAT WITH FAVORITE DB THAT NOT MYSQL FOR BONUS POINTS.

 

QUESTION 3:

HOW MANY EMAIL/IM/BLOGGING/MESSAGING CLIENTS YOU BUILT FROM SCRATCH BEFORE? IF ANSWER IS ZERO, YOU PROBABLY FAIL. UNLESS YOU SO BALLS OUT AWESOME ANSWER IS “ZERO, BUT GIVE ME A FEW HOURS”.

 

QUESTION 4:

IMAGINE YOU HAVE ACCESS TO GOOGLE DATABASE. PSEUDOCODE OUT MOST EFFICIENT WAY POSSIBLE FOR DETERMINING WHICH ENGINEER THERE THOUGHT “WHY IS A MANHOLE COVER ROUND” A CLEVER INTERVIEW QUESTION, AND REPLACE HIS G+ PROFILE WITH TUBGIRL.

 

QUESTION 5:

WRITE EQUATION FOR DETERMINING YOUR CHANCES OF SURVIVAL VS. X NINJAS, TAKING INTO ACCOUNT LAW OF CONSERVATION OF NINJITSU (WITHOUT CONSULTING TVTROPES.COM), AND ASSUMING YOU ARE ARMED ONLY WITH 1 TOWEL.*

*TOWEL IS NOT VORPEL, EPIC, ENCHANTED, ADAMANTIUM, THE PLATONIC IDEAL OF TOWELS STOLEN FROM THE ENDLESS, THE TOWEL OF VECNA, FROM PRE-CRISIS KRYPTON, OR SECRETLY THE TZEMISCE ANTIDELUVIAN.

 

SOME RESTRICTIONS APPLY:

THIS PROBABLY ONLY FOR PUNY HUMANS IN AMERICA, LOTS BETTER IF ON EAST COAST. ME, GRIMLOCK, NO WANT TO HAVE TO GO TOO FAR IF YOU SCREW UP, NEED TO BE DEVOURED. BUT IT POSSIBLE BE CONVINCED OTHERWISE FOR SUFFICIENT AWESOME.

THIS ALSO NO HAVE GIANT PILE OF MONEY ATTACHED YET. ME, GRIMLOCK, BELIEVE IN LINE UP RIGHT TEAM, BUILD MVP BEFORE TELL VC TO EMPTY OUT VAULTS. NO GET EXCITED AND QUIT DAYJOB.

FAKEGRIMLOCK

ME FAKEGRIMLOCK!